Redemption…I needed this One

We often sit and wonder if there is more something if our life may have a greater purpose than what we are currently doing, albeit work, hobbies, or whatever it may be? I found myself re-reading my last couple posts and trying to figure out what my next step should be? Should I sit around feeling sorry for myself ? Maybe doing some more healing? Go down an internet rabbit hole about radiation treatment until my head was spinning? NO, was the answer to all those questions, what I needed to do was return to what has worked for me in the past. I started jogging and exercising again more often, read books that spoke to me, that give me inspiration along with some tough love at the same time. Most reliably I spoke with those closest to me about the way I was feeling and reached out to a new social worker to help me talk through some of those dark, distressing feeling that honestly make it seem like your paralyzed, hard to breath, difficult to carry on normally, whatever that means anymore. After a couple of weeks I found myself looking in the mirror and I started to recognize that guy again, with the resilient look in his eyes.

A place for real healing

This may seem odd for some people, since my breakdown took place while I was out travelling alone, off grid and yes it could’ve been dangerous, but this is my home and quite honestly where I feel it calls to me. There was a few places on my maps I checked out and considered going, everyone of them beautiful and would be new to me, but my mind still wandered back to some unfinished business I had in one of my favourite places, the backcountry of Algonquin Park. Namely the route that I bailed out from last time lingered in my mind and I needed to complete this loop that had eluded me only weeks prior. I booked my lakes packed up my gear and hit the road for a week to challenge my own will-power and to overcome that fear and anxiety I had let creep in. I knew the results from my latest scan now and that further treatment would be coming, however with an unknown timetable I knew I had at least a week before I had to meet with a specialist. I HAD to go.

The morning came and I was already loaded and on the road at 6 a.m. not much really goes through my mind on the drive north, I just hope not to run into traffic. I grab my permits and head down a logging roads to the launch, within twenty minutes I’m on the water, everything has become automatic over the years, every piece of equipment has it’s proper place and with the map between my legs I feel at home. It was windy again on the big lakes, a tailwind this time that can make things easier, or more dangerous as I can feel the canoe surfing some of the bigger chop, unable to see where the waves are coming from can be more unsettling than a strong headwind, where at least you can see what’s heading your way. Nevertheless I use the skills I’ve acquired over the years and make it into the calmer water, through a couple quick portages and to the first stop (camp) of the trip. After setting up and making some diner while sitting around my fire the calmness that eluded on the prior trip is back, I make reference to it in my journal and I’m confident this adventure will be much different. There is only one thing I notice completely different than any other trip I’ve taken to the park, I haven’t seen a single soul, which is unusual for easier to access lakes in this area, I’m alone…it’s so quiet. In fact for the entire week I didn’t see another human until my final portage on the way out. It was unbelievable, almost magical and I loved every second of it.

Now I’m not going to walk you through the entire trip, that’s a lot of writing, however I have plenty of video footage I will be putting together to add to the blog, as well as my YouTube channel. What I can tell you the trip was incredible, probably my best backcountry excursion through the park, it wasn’t the easiest route, but boy it paid off. Bull Moose, Bear and cub, Cow Moose and calf, countless beavers and the best brook trout fishing I’ve ever had and for the near middle of June hardly any bugs, unbelievable and I can’t wait to get that video put together. As we speak I’m just attempting to upload my early spring trip, rural internet makes it well…frustrating.

Treatment Updates

Last week we made the drive to London, much closer for me anyway, to see a specialist that would be in charge of my care if I do get approved for PRRT therapy. While the appointment itself was a bit of a whirlwind, first I was booked to see the wrong doctor (who ended up wanting to chat with me anyway) and lucky enough he was able to track down the specialist that I should’ve been seeing. The bottom line is still that I’m a good candidate for the treatment, but like everyone my case has to be brought in front of the tumour board which will happen actually tomorrow and then a phone call will follow on Thursday. That all being said I was called already last Friday, so the day after my appointment, who said the health care system was slow? In a roundabout way a member from the specialist’s team called to let me know kind of how to prepare and what to expect, interesting? The earliest I’d get in is at the end of July, so expect a few posts around then as I have to isolate anywhere from 7 – 15 days from people. Now I know my camping hobby would fit that narrative perfectly, but I don’t think they would like me wandering off onto the bush, off grid… sure would be nice though. Odds are I’ll be very fatigued and then there’s the fact of being monitored for side-effects and as easy going as Tracy is canoe camping would be an off limits activity while I recover and of course I wouldn’t put anyone through that. In my reading material the treatments are eight to twelve weeks apart, so at least an eight month period that will be filled with scans, lab/bloodwork and appointments. Until I hear from them on Thursday I have some tripping plans in place starting Friday until the end of July, so I can get more content done and enjoy my canoe until I have to shelf it for a while. I’m not sure of the limits I’m allowed to do in between treatments, but I’ll be a good patient and listen to the doctor’s orders. I have some important dates in August that I hope don’t get interfered with, unfortunately though this is part of the process and I realize how fortunate I truly am to be eligible for this treatment, to not only hopefully buy me more time, but can also add to my quality of life as I progress in age with this disease. Until then I will spend July doing what I love and also with who I love, if my posts become a little sparse during July, don’t worry I’ll still be here and you’ll be bombarded in August while I recover, that’s if all goes according to plan or the temporary plan I had laid out for me.

Now that is only a small portion of the pictures I took and I think my next post may just be a gallery of some of the most stunning and beautiful shots I have ever gotten of this beautiful and healing place. Please feel free to subscribe, like, vote and comment. Thanks, Steve