Cancer…It’s not an Excuse

To Take the Path of Least Resistance

It’s simply too easy to tow the easy line, putting off travel, workouts, reading or blogging, saying ya I’ll get to that tomorrow. Then tomorrow turns into a week and the sense of time time slipping away becomes at some points overwhelming and getting back into the habits that created this new person, one who is driven and fearless starts to fade, life nowadays has made that to simple. I have found myself starting to fall back into this trap with my gear packed up, I’ve been procrastinating when to leave and where to go. It’s easy for me too, I can use my cancer a an excuse, whether I worry about how I’m feeling or waiting on that phone call that doesn’t come, knowing I have an answering machine to make me aware of any upcoming appointments. Instead of getting out there and creating the life I want and love to share I get stuck in the trap of, “well I can just do it tomorrow”, and then tomorrow also disappears. I know that sometimes I may seem hard on myself, but I expect the best version of me to show up every day a tough task I know. For over four years I’ve battle this illness and I believe that mentality is why this disease has been held at bay so far. Now that the looming prospect of radiation is on the horizon I can’t take my foot of the gas and become complacent, that’s not who I am, but for the last couple weeks it has started to creep in. Whether it’s putting off runs, reading, writing or getting out to that next trip down a new river or lake, it has to stop!

The Fix

It starts right here, blogging as I should sharing my story, wins and loses that so many of you have graciously followed along with me over this period of time. So, today I woke up and took a look in the mirror and made myself accountable got out my journal and wrote, noticing it was the first entry in more than a month. Jotted down my thought and feeling and also a list, that list seeing it written down brings to life what I want to accomplish on the daily and also long term, giving me goals to set and habits to keep. It’s easy to sit here for one day and pat myself on the back for completing todays list because I was inspired to do so, it’s the coming days where that old sense of will power get tested and we have to be ready to meet it head on.

Now I take some rest time like anyone else it just seems lately that I look for excuses to always take the easy way out. That is not going to push me to be a better human, husband, father or cancer patient in fact I can feel myself retreating on some days and it makes me feel like everything I gained over the years slowly starts to slip away. I refuse to let that happen, the name of this blog site is “Cancer Won’t Run My Life”, so I need to remember that on days when taking the easy way and sitting my ass on the couch watching life go by seems like a good option. Waiting on phone calls that may never come can not run my life and I just need to remember that my diagnosis is a marathon, not a race and while I have my health and the opportunity to go and cease it. All the while remembering to be mindful in the moment, putting the past where it belongs and not dwelling on it and never worrying the future and what may or may not happen. Just be present in everyday life, it’s a great way not to get overwhelmed.

Today I got up and decided my next adventure will start on Sunday (I’ve been procrastinating about this for a while, as I wait for a phone call that never came). I took my time as I watered the plants, sat on my pillow and meditated, went out for that mid morning jog that I haven’t done for a while. Picked up my book again and read a couple chapters and sat back down behind my laptop and started to write. I would always worry whether the content was good enough or interesting and it’s not always about that good content comes from telling a story that comes from the heart and is real, raw and true. I entered that into my journal today, reminding myself that if this reaches only one person that’s good enough. This about a guy who’s life got turned upside down and now has done what I feel is best for me, I have suffered in silence (like a lot of us) and every so often I need to remind myself that I still have a life worth living and a story worth telling and even if no one reads it, I enjoy the process, I enjoy who I am when I feel these words spilling out of my mind.

What’s up Next?

I haven’t received any updates as to when or if my Radiation treatment will start, that was the phone call that’s been weighing on me. Today I told myself “no more waiting around”, soon I’ll leave for next adventure to Philip Edward Island and circumnavigate the island, bring along my video equipment to document my journey and add it to my YouTube channel. I’ll continue to run, I have always been so hit or miss with this important part of my life over the last few months, that when I get out there it hits me, the mindfulness and becomes automatic and very important part of my treatment. Summer is a tough one to turn out posts, along with editing videos, but once again the easy way out is to avoid it. This blog is a major player in therapy and they will come more often, even if it’s a quick blast or photo gallery or a saying I feel in important here. Just adding an exercise routine in as well, of all the reading I’ve done on cancer, exercising consistently comes up as the MOST important thing a cancer patient can do for themselves. Once I establish a routine for myself maybe that’s something else I can share. You already know the on thing I’m partial to and that’s getting out on the water in my canoe and I’ll admit that I can do better in that aspect as well, it so good for the soul, even the anxiousness of a tough paddle is good for the mind. It reminds you of the obstacles you can overcome in your everyday life.

I’ve had a tough emotional go over the last few months, but I’m feeling more of myself again and these tools have always helped. Always remember to fall back on what has worked to get yourself out of a rut, along with talking to professionals. Honestly along with my family I talk to a Psychiatrist and a social worker, so ya two people to help me sort things out, so never feel like you’re alone in that aspect. We all need someone to talk to.

Thank you again for following along and don’t forget to subscribe. You can also check out my new YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsgg-gilEaxTy2_NXQMkwMw this link should bring you there.