Finding Purpose After Cancer: A Personal Journey

So, as I sit here procrastinating about whether to call it a night and just turn on the old boob tube or write? I’m reminded of something that I keep telling myself, do what you love! I have spent a little to much time in just a kind of Groundhog Day like state for the past week or so. I had told myself that I need to be busier and to break old habits such as mindlessly watching the T.V., although sometimes I do use it for educational reasons. With really nothing new to report on concerning my cancer status, except the ongoing battle mentally, which will always be a part of my life now. It’s something that I continue to work on and will be for the rest of my life. That I have come to terms with. It’s the feeling that I’m still here for a purpose that is the most important part of that. In my prior life I was a tradesman, a welder and that was a big part of my identity and while I know that I’ve written about this before the question still lingers, “Who am I now?” and where do I fit in. It may seem that I’m always out travelling around or tripping in the backcountry with the thought of bringing you along and making the journey something so exciting you have to watch or read. It’s not an easy transition and many days I roam our small apartment here not really sure of what I want to do? Or who I am?

Although I’m working my way up to almost five years of being diagnosed, yes you read that right, already five years. I still have that feeling sometimes, not all the time of being lost and unsure of where I fit anymore and I feel it’s important to be honest about this as it kinda doesn’t get me anywhere when not acknowledging that true fact. Constantly I tell myself that I can sort out the pieces of this post-cancer life and not to be to hard on myself, but with that being said I’m one of those people who always thinks that there is always something more…like I’m meant to do something greater and just can quite figure it out. All the content I create either writing or recording is still so new and tough to figure out, like how to reach those that may need a hand themselves when going through a tough time or re-learning life like I am attempting to do. This is why I write at this moment, to be that different person, to have the drive and will-power to change out of that routine and try to continue to search, move forward and it is difficult with the television is only one room away.

Another reason for this post is to force myself to be more active and develop the habit of writing and prove to myself that I can do this. I have noticed trends that my entries are on, very inconsistent and yes I’ve used that word a lot here before, but it is the truth and to take on another possible venture in life will require the upmost consistency. I while back, quite a while back in a prior post I had mentioned that maybe one day I’d like to write a book? It was something I had honestly thought about, but figured my life really isn’t that exciting, who’d want to read that? Well a little while ago I received an e-mail from a friend and published author about that very subject and now that thought has been front and centre again.

Over the next while here, I will be much more active when I home, I leave for a canoe trip in a day, some of these entries I will use as a start to that book, like a test run and most importantly making time every day be sure to sit and write. I will also do this in the back country in my daily journal and form that habit that will be needed if I want this to become a reality. I feel everyone has a story to tell, mine is deep inside me and also scattered amongst all these post, inside all of this is a story and one of change, resilience and hope. My old self would be laughing at this guy thinking he’d ever sit and author a book and this is why that past needs to be looked at sometimes as that motivation or fuel just to show yourself how wrong you are and what a different person I’ve become. This is pretty cool and exciting, also intimidating and scary, the thought of sitting and hashing out a life story seems well…very imposing. I remind myself when feeling this way that cancer has given me this gift, the gift of no fear to try something new. I’d be a liar if I said I still get trapped in some of my old ways, but this could give me that challenge I need and like I said earlier that sense of more purpose I feel locked inside me. As I head out before trout season ends and get in some fall camping (the best time) my mindset in those days will be where this story all started and the journey I’ve been on as I haul myself and my gear through the bush, alone with my thoughts as my only company. I can’t wait.

This is my latest creation uploaded to my channel, be sure to check it out, much more to come! As always if your new be sure to subscribe, like and drop a comment, I always eventually get back to everyone. Cheers