I have to admit it as winter has now come and gone and spring is upon us, I’ve become a little stir-crazy. I’ve kept to a lot of my habits I have talked about in past blogs, but now find myself struggling a bit with topics to write about that have real meaning. I sometimes roam our small place here now, like a feral cat trapped inside just waiting for that door to crack open and out I’ll leap, just hopefully not in the middle of the road. Of coarse this is a metaphor I can just go for a walk anytime, but somedays I can’t help but feel I just wasted them away. I think I’ve stared at more maps in the last month then I have in a lifetime, read more paddling route books to the point I’m overwhelmed and I can’t choose were I want to go cause now I have so many in my head. Basically I’m just a bit wound up and now with the price of, well everything, I have to adjust my plans accordingly.
Being off work now, you’d think it would be easy. Well it leaves you with a lot of time to get in your head and start to over analyze everything and drive those you live with crazy. Well at least they’ll be some relief from the ground hog type days I’ve had lately as we return back to Florida in under a week now. A day full of driving will keep me busy and give Tracy a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep. It’s another chance for us just to get away and enjoy our time together, also use up our owed Timeshare weeks from the two years past when we were unable to go. No real exact plans of what we are doing while we are there this time, we’ll have to see if there’s any deals cooking down there. For Tracy a trip or two to Target I’m sure is on the docket and I’ll be sure to hit a Bass Pro, but even Wal-Mart down in the States seems to have all the fishing and camping gear I prefer to look at.
When I started this post Spring did seem to be upon us, but now here I am finishing up only a couple days later and I think I spoke to soon. It’s Monday now the 28th of March and today the now long drive to Brantford General in this crappy weather to get a check up and meet my new oncologist. It’s all become routine there now, they see me a enough, they all know my name and ask how I’m doing. Everyone is very nice, it starts with getting your hospital band (something I now wish I’d kept them all since the beginning) then it’s over to the scale and today I’m up 5lbs which puts me at 180lbs now and if you’ve been following along from the beginning that’s up from 162lbs from a year and a half ago, it’s all muscle, lol. Then I move over to the computer where you do a bit of a survey of yourself it asks you stuff like to rate your pain, anxiety, depression, activity levels and such and they’re all on a scale from 1 to 10. A volunteer takes me to the waiting area, but not til after I grab the allotted 2 cans of ensure, yup we’re getting old and they are a good pick me up after a run. From there the nurse gets me and into the doctors room we go, she asks how I’m doing, any new pain or symptoms. This time I tell her my guts have been acting up randomly over the last 2 weeks and I keep a food journal, or try to at least, I’ll tell ya having cancer is a full time job…it’s exhausting. She also asks about my mental state and that’s always a tough question cause I know I’m okay, but lately I’ve had this lost feeling like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and before I know it the days gone, then a week. It’s frustrating to me I know there’s stuff / things to do, but I just don’t, then inside I tell myself buddy you’re wasting your limited time. It’s a never ending battle and probably one that won’t ever end.
Anyway, after the nurse leaves the oncologist soon enters the room, while I’m stretching my hamstrings I may add, my ass has been sore from sitting in this chair Tracy brought home to the point it hurt’s. Sitting in that Jeep seat of my for 24 hours on Thursday sounds like pain now, so I’ve been stretching out just about anywhere I can now. I even am rotating sitting and standing while I type and my treatment was just about a week ago, just adds to the fun. We take a seat and he tells me that all the markers look good and everything on that end has remained stable. We chat for a bit, I ask him about his Net experience and he tells me that about 6 of his patients are diagnosed like I am (A very small number), but that the 6 have been in his care for a long time, a very good thing.
All in all it was a good visit and again as always the phone rings on the way home to set up appointments for only another 3 short months away. In the last week I’ve put together another video of a late fall trip into Algonquin Park, it’s part 1 of 2, this is all a learning process and I hope that anyone who chooses to watch and subscribe enjoys the video footage. In part 1 I get some really good footage of two large bull moose just before sundown, it was really cool. Hope you enjoy the video and as always thanks for following along, I’m hoping for some exciting news to pass along in the next post.
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Love, Steve
Cancer Won't Run My Life 