What is the one thing you would change about yourself?
So when I sat down here to create a new post, I already have another one drafted, but not entirely happy with it this was the question staring at me when I clicked the “new post” tab. Instead of deleting it and starting to write like I usually do and this has never happen before, its always just been a blank screen. I’ve never been a big believer of fate, I always figured you get what you give out of life, fate was always something let for the movies or fiction novels. After all am I supposed to believe it was fate that gave me terminal diagnosis? If so, then that’s a pretty shitty fate that us cancer patients are dealt. Or is it that only those strong enough to deal with an illness like this are given a challenge to overcome in this very short time we have in this life? Now I’m not a real religious person and kinda have a beef with the big man upstairs and I honestly hope there is something after this life, but I believe I read that in the bible God will challenge those that he feels are strong enough to live with this diversity. I guess I’ll find out one day.
Anyway back to the question on hand and if it was fate for me to answer this, then maybe you should think about it to? It seems like such a simple question or is it a trick question. I think there are many things each of us would like to change about about ourselves, but just one makes it a tough one to answer I would dare to say. The easy answer for me of coarse is not having cancer is the one thing I would change, but I don’t think that is what the question is asking? To answer this takes a deep look inside, one that made me get up and walk away from the screen and really think about it, I even slept on it.
After a lot of thought I think the one thing I’d like to change about myself is self-doubt and let me explain my reasoning. Now I don’t think it’s a lack of confidence that I mean, I have done a lot of things that I believe a lot of people wouldn’t venture to try, from my recent public speaking, to switching careers at 35 years old, canoe camping alone in the wilderness all the way to writing this blog that leaves nothing hidden. It’s that little bit of self doubt that sits in the back of my mind asking me ” Why bother doing all this stuff?” It’s easier to sit on the side lines and watch life go by.
Every time I pack my gear to head out to a new location I sit in the car before leaving, always asking myself “why?” and I know the answer, it’s because I love it. Even while I’m out there that voice in the back of my head is questioning me about, is this gonna be too hard? You don’t want to get lost? and I have cut short trips based on just those insecurities, only to get home and feel the disappointment of a trip cut short for no other reason except self-doubt. Other times it’s starting at my running shoes doubting whether today is a good day to run or maybe take this one off, I know the answer is simple, it’s always a good day to run. After all the running I’ve done doubt still creeps in, “Your so far from home you’ll never make it back!” or “How come you’re so slow today?” Even just writing this post, which I know is for me, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t like an audience. My thoughts wander too, “who cares what I’m writing nobody’s reading this anyway.”
Now the way to answer this question is pretty simple for me anyway, keep challenging myself it’s easy to quit give up running, say “well my knees are getting bad, I’ll just walk” or erase this platform and go plant myself in front of the TV. When canoeing always take the way known, what I’m saying is to just take the easy way and watch life pass by and with an illness like mine nobody would say anything about that, he’s just sick.
Well, that’s not me and if you’ve followed along since the beginning that’s something I try and live by hence, “Cancer Won’t Run My Life”. But, if I were to change just one thing ya…it’s that little self doubt I have left, just to keep pushing and challenging myself with a mindset that anything is possible. Even outlasting or outsmarting my Cancer. Getting into that mindset has been a slow grind, but once again it’s the illness I live with that leaves me no choice and no time to feel sorry for myself. Stop doubting yourself and go get it.
If I’ve given you anything to think about here, think long and hard about it. What really is the one thing you would change about yourself. You’ll probably be surprised with the answer you come up with, or maybe fate will answer it for you??
If you like leave your answer in the comment section I’d love to see all the answers. As always consider subscribing, like, comment and feel free to share this post if it made you think. Much more to come they’ll be no doubt about that!!
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1 thought on “Fate Has Asked A Question”
I don’t think that God challenges those that He thinks are strong enough to handle it. He knows that in our own strength, we aren’t strong enough. I believe that it is only with His strength that I’m able to handle the adversity in my life, cancer and otherwise.
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