A word that No Man really wants to Hear

After a month and a half hiatus here I sit back in front of the laptop, call it a lack of motivation or being a little busy, but I’ve had a hard time coming up with something interesting to blog about. I have a few travel posts to come and I’ve been having a hard time wording them in a way that captures the true experience of what I felt during these getaways. For some reason also I have felt my anxiety level higher than normal, as I sit here starting this post in an hour I have to start the drive to the Brantford Cancer Clinic and get the six month scan results. This is the important one as the CT scan gives the Oncologist the most exact readings of how my cancer is behaving and it’s always unnerving, leaving the chest tight and breathing laboured. Physically though I feel pretty well and I have snuck a peak at my latest lab work on mychart.ca which is a great resource for me as it gives me my upcoming appointments and all test results dating back to when this all started and I can read the trends. The trends and markers seemed to look as normal as they can for someone who has Neuroendrocrine Cancer, but until the Doctor tells me that everything is stable there is still always that fear of the unknown which I feel I do a good job of putting in the rear view mirror until the morning of or day before the appointment.

So this will be a little bit different type of post being that it will be a before and after and as I sit here anxiously awaiting to take that long hour and a half drive I do my best to keep relaxed with a few breathing exercises I have learned over the years. Make an entry into my journal, also look back into past entries and remind myself of the positive news that I have gotten in the past. Then what I will also do with this little bit of time is give you a small look into one of my life-goal trips I recently got back from, I don’t like the term bucket list, sounds like the end is near… Myself and three friends went to Wabakimi Provincial Park for a ten day canoe trip. I think sometimes when you’ve been anticipating a trip for two years now, it’s really hard for that trip to live up to the hype. Too many YouTube videos watched makes you think you’ll see and experience everything you’re looking for and after years of canoe tripping I should know better. That being said it was still an unbelievable experience and for someone living with this disease I have the constant thought in the back of my mind, “what do I do if a bowel obstruction attack happens out here?” Well, I’ve been an advocate of living with no fear, so I strapped the canoe to the plane, loaded my backpack, laced up my hikers and hopped on that old bush plane that stunk of diesel and into the unknown we went.

Much, much more of that trip to come, but I’ll share a few pictures of this amazing place and also a video of something you should never do on your first morning of a ten day trip. Time to go and meet my Doctor.

Ok, so after my three hour round trip and countless construction hold ups I’ve made it back home. Now to follow up on how this post started, the visit with my Oncologist, this had to be the quickest appointment I’ve ever had everyone was on time I waited maybe two minutes after they checked my weight, something that is always done when you have cancer and it was down a bit. After I was done explaining to the nurse how things have been going and how I’m feeling, my doctor entered the room at I swear lightening speed I swear and started the conversation with a word no man with or without cancer really wants to hear “shrinkage”, now if you’re in my age category chances are you’ve watched Seinfeld and know exactly to the scene I’m describing. However as a man living with cancer if you’re using that word to describe what’s happening to my disease, well I’ll almost shed tears, but with a different array of emotions. Ya, this was a good visit, now I won’t get ahead of myself all the cancer is still there including the dozen tumours on my liver, but the largest one that did measure 3cm in diameter is down to 2.5cm. The Doc and I just had a quick discussion and my treatment will remain the same, he also told me that whatever I’m doing, “keep it up”. Part of that is this blog so no more long lapses between post, this is part of my treatment process and it seems to be working, all the positive feedback and views I get also why this is working so, to you my readers I say humbly, “Thank you from the bottom of my heart!” I will be here for a while I hope you keep on following along. You are part of the medicine a drive to keep me not just living, but thriving. Cheers Steve