In my feeble attempts to be a more consistent blogger over the three years I have been doing this I seem to struggle at just sitting down to do the work, always finding something that I “feel” requires more attention. Anything from an interesting documentary, cleaning the bathroom or something just any old excuse to put off writing and why after three years do I still find myself doing this? The answer is actually really simple and I’ve known it for years, unless I program myself to make this a part of my daily ritual, a routine habit it’s far too simple just to fall back into old habits and avoid writing all together. Now that being said, I felt I have made great strides to incorporate this into my new life, post-cancer, I have asked myself many times what do you love to do? What brings a smile to my face? and can also by chance help someone improve their lives or just have a better day. That is what I have always tried to make the core value of this site to be, tell my story, in hopes that I can help someone else or maybe inspire you to do that thing you love, travel, write, read, run or workout to feel physically and mentally better and therefore live a more fulfilling life.
That’s the difference I try to write with, not pretending to have all the answers to a happier life, but bringing you along on my journey in real time to help achieve that goal. Not to only dip your toe in the pond of life, but to jump right in, not be afraid to actually experience what this short life has to offer. Although not the procrastinator I used to be I find myself many days watching the clock go by thinking about what I’d like to accomplish, when I should be going after it. Wanting to bring you along as I continue to navigate this life we are blessed with and figure out what it all means and how we can get more out of it.
This doesn’t mean always travelling about here and there, camping, canoeing, trying to be at my physical and mental best, but also spiritually and that’s one I have thought about a lot lately. I don’t mean like finding god or going to church, but if that’s how you find it than awesome! We are all looking to find something, something to believe in, that gives us strength, comfort and hope. When I say spiritually the real meaning is inner peace, the sense of calmness and clarity that I want to get to, I think most people would like to feel, but with busy schedules how is this possible? Well for me it starts with an early morning meditation session, ten minutes of sitting in silence to start, trying to keep a quiet mind, impossible right? I have done this consistently now for about two months, yes the one think I have been very scheduled about and it’s not easy, good habits are so hard to maintain, but after weeks it starts to become automatic. I now sit from ten to twenty minutes pretty easily now, thoughts still race through my mind. Slowly but, surely I’m able to slow those thoughts down, acknowledge them and move on and maintain steady breathing, listening to my heart. The next part is to visualize how I want my day, week, month…basically time to play out, seeing ahead to where I want to be, happy and humble. One day I see myself taking that journey beyond my chair, pillow or wherever I sit now, finding that true inner peace/strength and then able to share it. For now I practise on my own, reading text from books, studying them and picking out the pieces that are relevant to me and my journey, as no two persons are. We all have a role here to fill some people just find theirs sooner than other, but it’s never too late to start, my illness as bad as it is has lead me to this path it’s now my job to follow and see where it leads.
Now for some cool news, our poetry group at WellSpring received a grant to get some of our poems published…in a book! It’s all still in the beginning stages, so what I’ll be doing for a while here is honing my poetry skills (I hope) and posting some here as I test run and I hope that I can count on my readers to give me feedback. One way or the other, I want to know if you liked them or not and what I could improve upon. I hope to get at least one poem into the book, as after my conversation a couple weeks ago with a cancer survivor who wrote a book, that has started a small fire in the back of my mind about writing my own book. I used to ask myself the question, “Who the hell would read a book about me?” When the question should’ve been, “Why haven’t I started to write this book? If this is what I love to do?” Stop the self doubt and believe in yourself, I far cry from the man who possessed this body four short years ago.
Some of my poems from the past can be found https://stephenmedhurst.ca/2023/11/10/worlds-nets-day-a-poem/ https://stephenmedhurst.ca/2023/03/28/run/ https://stephenmedhurst.ca/2023/03/15/im-a-poet-and-dont-know-it/
Ode to the Outdoors
It is the solace that I need, no crave
The paddle hits the tea stained water, launching my vessel forward
Wind driving into my face, makes for a challenging pace
In mere moments a smile dawns my face, my troubles don't dare follow into this place
It's so simple here, I have only what I can carry
Camera for pictures, a journal for thoughts
Almost meditative the landscape, the beauty, the peace moves me into a trance
Forgetting the muscle pain and difficulties ahead, this is where I belong, where it begins
The hard work pays off, I'm alone, it's quiet, therapeutic and most of all happy
The Resilience it takes for this type of travel, is deeply entwined as part of my Life
Steve Medhurst
Cancer Won't Run My Life 