Five Years of Living with Cancer….Wow

Five years, has it really been
Long or Short it's so hard to tell
Life sure has changed and I intend to live it well
Freed me from the fear once felt
I travel this journey, hoping to leave my mark
Not letting myself venture towards to dark
We all have our purpose here
Cancer it seems will not stop my from what's meant to be

I told you I’d be back shortly, didn’t think it would be this quick though eh? Today is the day where I sit and reflect on my life. Where this all started?, How did I get here?, Why did this happen to me?, What could I have done to change it?, How much my life has changed, but most of all, let’s keep this drive to move forward. Remembering who I used to be and what has changed over the years to the guy who now sits and writes for you. Showing emotion and opening up in a way that I never thought possible. Cancer it seems although fucking awful has I way of transforming someone into a different man, which I’d never thought possible. This blog is a testimony of my life, a glimpse into the past a guy who stressed the small things, worried too much and was an emotional brick wall. It’s strange how a disease that’s invaded your body, come to snatch your health, mind, body and soul can transform you into a different version of yourself. One who now writes, listens to others, tries to be nicer to others who deserve it. Add people who make me a better person and feel good about myself, while leaving behind those who no longer deserve my time. It’s a complex world I’ve found myself in these last five years YES that’s what this post is about. Today marks five years since I received that dreaded phone call telling me I had, ” Sorry to tell you this you have Neuroendocrine Stage IV cancer.” Since that day as you’ll see and have read in the past very much has changed. I thank you all very much for following along and the kind and supportive words along the way, now for a recap of how we got here and where we go for many, many years to come. That is a promise from me to you as this guy continues to move forward.

Small glimpses of the Past

As I take a peek over my shoulder at the five years post cancer that have gone by I think of how vastly my life has changed within that time. From a confused newly diagnosed cancer patient unsure of what to do or where to turn. Now a support group leader, still amateur writer (blogger), public speaker to help raise awareness and help others understands you can live with cancer. With that being said it’s also important to acknowledge those who have been lost within these years. Too many gone before their time and every time I think of them it brings a tear to my eye. I hope they have all found their peace this disease can be a beast slowly wearing down taking them from us. Never does a day go by when my thoughts don’t bring me there, reminding me this is a real battle to live in each moment and always be prepared. The thought of this only strengthens my resolve to prove that not only can I outlive this cancer, but live a productive and meaningful life full of love, joy and happiness. I have had to date 114 injections of my treatment, yes that’s straight into my butt cheeks…Ouch. Without this medication who knows where I would be right now so regardless of the painful shots, many have gone through much, much worse. Countless blood and urine samples taken over the years, along with scans and MRI’s now part of everyday life. The health care I’ve received along the way has been second to none. Everyone met during the journey always willing to sit and listen and offer up advice. That care also involves the mental health aspect often overlooked. I talk to not one, but two different people a doctor and a social worker each doing their part to help keep me together when things get stressful and life feels like it’s falling apart. They have done a great job as sometimes (you may not now this) I can be a handful.

Friends and Family

I can’t write this without acknowledging the many others who have helped me some of my closest friends who are always there for me. Helping talk me off a cliff when things spiral out of control. You know who you are and I love you very much. My family and sons who always ask how I am, wanting to know the latest updates and what’s going on, how, if anyway they can help. Then there are those who I meet during my travels I’m not sure how to describe this, but it’s like instant connections, the same train of thoughts regardless of age just looking to get the most out of life. I’ve been blessed to meet so many of you along the way that if I were to name everyone I’d be writing all day. Then sometimes there are people who just seem to pop out of nowhere adding that certain substance to your life that it’s been craving. Instant connection is the only way to describe it. Making life better as soon as they enter. All of this together is medicine for the heart, soul and mind with all this together how in the fuck does cancer stand a chance. When you have a great team it gives you reason to get up, get going, leave excuses at the door and push forward. Life is to precious and greatness is waiting.

Helping Hands

I also want to acknowledge some groups that play a big role first is CNETS my cancer group I’m involved with. Without finding this group I’d still be at the first step of this journey confused and lost. This organization run completely by volunteers is the most valuable resource of information I’ve come across since being diagnosed. Filled with some of the most intelligent people anyone could meet. Compassionate and caring always looking out for one another and making sure we all understand the care we should be getting. If not someone is out there advocating to make sure those newly diagnosed understand the complexities of this disease and to lend that helping hand. These are truly some of the most amazing humans you will ever meet. Also to my friends at WellSpring in Stratford, who took me into their fold. Offering up reiki treatments (honestly something I would’ve never done before), but boy was I wrong. Artistic classes to help ease stress and bring those together who share one thing in common, cancer. Poetry classes where I’ve met some of the world’s nicest people, helping polish my writing skills as it’s shown in these posts as the blog moves along. Thank you all for being so caring and accepting of me.

Trying to think of a way to wrap this up I still find it hard to believe that it was five years ago that I released that video telling everyone on Facebook I had been diagnosed with stage IV cancer. It seems so surreal to me, all the change that has occurred employment wise, relationships, the way to approach life. I’m truly grateful for everyone during this journey whether you’ve been around for the long haul or brand new to it. Everyone brings a different dynamic and isn’t that what life’s all about? Seeing how people approach their journey and learning from it, being open and listening to best friends, partners or even complete strangers. Imagine if we all just communicated better? Wouldn’t this be a better world to live in? I am but a vessel on this planet hoping to simply do my best, to share this gift I have been given. The power of words is something I would have never discovered if cancer hadn’t entered my life. Does that make it both a blessing and a curse at the same time? This is something I’ll ponder until my forever good-bye, but as I’ve told you all whether old or brand new to my life. You’re all stuck with me for a very long time….TRUST ME! I love you all and thanks for following me during these FIVE years, everyone holds a special meaning.

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