Overcoming Fear: A Journey Through Cancer

Move forward he said, like it's as easy as pie
Foot stuck in the mud I looked to the sky
How is this done?
A forceful voice inside yells, just try!
Forget what's happen, pull yourself  up
Make that next step count

As I make my return now, don’t call it a comeback….I know, lame. My journey to live a meaningful life with cancer continues. Always will. I look back at some of that private I shared while I took a break and ask myself that same old question, “Why me?” Is it because of some of the places I’ve worked (environment)? Could it be genetics? There simply some cancer in my family, but doesn’t seem to apply to mine. Could it be a test from a higher power? Boy, I must think I’m special for that to be true.

It’s actually really simple, the answer I mean. It doesn’t matter and there is no point in feeling sorry for myself. See while looking in the rear view mirror is important, making mistakes and life lessons learned should be remembered, but not dwelled on. Unless a Time Machine is invented the past is what it is. Sure, it can always creep up and bite you in the ass. Living in the past is just well, for lack of a better word, sad. I’ve caught myself thinking well if I only changed this or that; doesn’t matter Steve, it’s done. Move on, make a decision let’s move forward.

How can we Move Forward with Cancer?

Moving forward, what emotions come to mind? Excitement, joy, possibilities, but also anxiety, fear. Not the type of fear or anxiety that may come first to mind, I’m talking fear of the unknown in a good way learning to trust, relate and share. Whether it’s old friends you haven’t seen in a while that look at you now a certain way, a little sadness in their eye. As they remember the guy before this disease that has came to try and take him away. Or a new therapist, listening to your most intimate pain, helping with new tools to keep on improving that mental state. Or that new life you have know, does the disease get in the way?

Ah, but no it doesn’t in fact it makes things better, see, I use that fear to create a better version of me. Understanding the importance of time with those you keep close. Moving forward with that fear and anxiety makes you aware, attentive and more loving. It helps create meaningful conversations not just, ” how was your day?” or “hi, how are ya?” It gets to the core and truly understand the people you choose to surround yourself with. That’s as important as any medicine I can take.

No matter what happens just keep grinding and grinding. Don’t be afraid of living a life with that anxiety. Everyone has it, hell I’m full of it and every once in a while it still spills over. This is why you choose the people you do, to be there to take that hand and reel me back in. It’s anxious to write and tell you my thoughts, it’s not easy, but maybe this is my gift. When fear and anxiety are under control it can instigate a positive change, put life in focus and can lead you to goals that have been set, or help new habits to form. Move forward, I keep telling myself this next chapter will be the best and hardly my last.