Six Years to the Date, a Reflection

I’m standing at my bedroom window, looking at the backyard. The trees are budding, hostas are poking through the now frost free ground. My patchy grass is dark green in some areas, in others mud…the result of dogs playing. It’s beautiful and calming after what the last five weeks have been like. A smile crosses my face, although I know much work is to be done to make the yard clean and up to par for the summer to come. My thoughts turn inward.

I turn and look at the laundry I have just folded, two dogs are basking in the sun in the corner of my room. My stomach aches, not upset, but hurts…pain. And that pain is minimal compared to how I felt five weeks ago. I look in the mirror and raise my shirt. There staring at me is an ugly reminder, At least forty staples penetrate my abdomen. I run my hand down what can only be described as a zipper. From below my beltline to about three inches above my belly button. They are due to come out next week. Thank god, every time I bend over it feels like being jabbed by 40 needles. But, I am healing up well and soon life will return to normal….or so I thought.

I had surgery on March 4th, 2020 to remove an abnormal growth that was causing me massive bloating and pain. Although the word cancer had been thrown around by the surgeon it couldn’t be that right? It’s been five weeks now, surely I would’ve gotten a phone by now? See we are all under lock-down because of Covid-19, so besides my boys and dogs I’ve been for the most part stuck at home alone recovering from this. Only one week to go I tell myself , staples out, other two and I’ll be well enough to return to work. I never dreamed I’d ever be kinda happy to get back to work…I must be crazy? I’m also looking forward to getting myself back in shape, tired of being winded just walking up the stairs. At least now I can sleep in bed and not sitting up in the chair. Soon it will be normal.

Turning to grab my phone that doubles as my stereo while I’m getting stuff done, it startles me as the ringer goes off. The incoming call is from Hamilton, I pick up it’s the hospital, it’s a doctor and not just any doctor an oncologist introduces himself. Lost for words a simple “Hi” is all I can muster. He doesn’t mince words and asks me to take a seat, apologizes for having to do this over the phone. Stephen, after the pathology reports from the surgery I’m sorry to tell you, you have Neuroendrocrine cancer, not only that it’s stage IV. Further looking into CT scans from the past it has spread to your liver, lung, countless mini tumours in the mesentery and we didn’t get clean margins on the primary. I’m told I have 10 -15 years to live, wait I’m only 46 and I have two boys who count on me. This can’t be real? I’m told to head down to the local hospital (Brantford) and sign up for treatment, they’ll be waiting for you.

Have you ever had your life flash before your eyes, well I have. The phone goes silent and it happens. Everything from faint childhood memories, teenage years, family, friends, events, trips, special moments…my boys. Tears run down my face, anger, resentment, bewilderment, every emotion you could imagine runs through me in minutes. I pull myself together, phone calls to family will have to wait. I need to get to the hospital…..in a moment there is a new normal. I am and always will be a cancer patient, how did this happen.

Here we Still Are

Six years ago to the date that was my life; Six years! I have now received countless scans, blood tests, piss tests. Been scopes everywhere you could think of, yes there too. ! 147 needles have been injected in my glutes. I’m still here, the way I look at it still at the beginning of the journey. When I think of the timeline I was given, I smirk, no way! Life has been far to rewarding to give into this disease. Like I said before it picked the wrong person. Six years and I have learned a lot about myself and my life has changed in so many different ways. I look forward to writing for the next twenty or so years. I am here, I am happy, I am the healthiest sick guy you probably know. Show some love, leave me a comment. What am I leaving out? What more do you want to know? Any adventures you think I should take and write about? I promised you more, so here we go. Love you all. Steve