The night before an Oncologist’s appointment is always a tough one to get good rest, usually for me it involves either listening to an audiobook, YouTube videos or just plain old Netflix. I wear a pair of headphones, as to try not and disturb Tracy, it doesn’t always work. After a year and a half into my cancer diagnosis, I have started to get used to it, but it’s really not that easy, don’t think it ever would for anyone with cancer, especially stage IV of an extremely rare, albeit slow growing cancer.
Instead tonight, Sunday, I’ll try something different this time and start this post, try to wear out my eyes and if I put to paper the feelings that I get and I’m sure a few of my readers can relate to and that no matter how long or often you visit your doctor it’s stressful. Sometimes I can tell by my Fitbit and the resting heart rate meter, most nights I can get a 50 to 53 bpm. On a night before say an injection or Doctor visit it usually hovers from 55-58, now that may not seem like much, but it does show that even when I’m asleep there’s some level of anxiety there.
It’s close to midnight now, so it’s soon time to count some sheep, as of right now I don’t feel worried about this appointment. Staying positive is very important going into this and with the last few appointments being good ones I’m hopeful tomorrow will just keep the trend. You see, and I’ve probably said this before getting to hear the words, “Everything appears to be stable” is the best case outcome for me at this time and I’m ok with that and slowing learning to cope. Also for those who follow me on social media and see my pictures and videos here, that’s only a part of me. Smiling and happy is how most of those appear, trust me I have my days and those aren’t posted.
But I’m good, physically I’m ok, but there are days now that this body needs to rest and I’ve only started really listening. We’ll talk about the mental part again another day. I think I’ll end it here for the night and pick up tomorrow before and after my appointment, try and give you like an inside look, without completely boring you to death. Night!
Lovely start to the day, rain, gloomy day can only mean positive results, right? I drive an hour to see my Oncologist, park on the street, oh no I drank to much water and coffee this morning. Lucky for me there’s a densely wooded area on my short walk to hospital, I duck in quick, I wouldn’t have made it. After entering the hospital it’s a left, right, left and I’m in the cancer clinic. The first thing asked is, ” how I’m feeling?” to which I reply, “Same as usual, not bad, just some nerves.” They take my weight and to my surprise I’ve gained five pounds, good news! Then we sit at a computer and fill out a type of survey for the Doctor, questions about stress, appetite, energy and well-being.
Sitting in the waiting room directly across from me is a simple picture that says a lot simply titled “HUG”, enough said. It isn’t long til I’m the Doctor’s office, the nurse first comes in and asks how things are and how I’m feeling, I believe this is how most appointments start for cancer patients, a lot of time taken for mental health, any kind of pain and any new symptoms. I explain that not really any new pain, getting upset guts for days after injections, and as for mental health, we’re working on it with CBT.
A short time later my Oncologist comes in and she asks how everything is and let’s me know my lab results are positive this time with numbers trending down, which is very good news. 5HIAA(24 hour urine collect) number went from 46.1 to 37.5, that’s a sizeable jump down. A the blood test, Chromogranin A was 30 down from 32, so hearing those numbers is a relief. It kind of takes a weight of your shoulders for a while. Although it was all good news today, she also let’s me know it’s time for another CT scan, it’s been about 5 months since I’ve had one and that’s the longest stretch since my cancer diagnosis. I completely dislike the scan, but a guess I’ll take it. I wish my doctor well and head out, not before grabbing a couple ensures, calories baby, lol. So, the weather outside may not be the best today, but it was a good one for me, oh, gotta go the hospital is calling, man they like me there…..CT is booked.
Thanks for following along, as always lots to come, Cheers!