Ok, so here I am again back punching keys to give you something to read and think about realizing that it’s been a long six weeks since I have posted anything. Where have I been, what have I been doing with my time if not writing. While part of it is once again procrastinating and the fear of putting my thoughts out for everyone to see, yes it’s not easy and wanting to make sure I put something down that I feel is real and meaningful I often think I run out of ideas that are of any interest to you, my reader. And sometimes it’s just plain old laziness…but, I do have a bit of an excuse.
Since my last post I have had a couple of camping trips that took up the better part of the first two weeks of May, they were both in Algonquin Park and I was after trout and given the last two years May was a lock down month I thought catching trout would be a piece of cake, wrong! My first trip was to get back out into the wild after a long winter and find some peace and serenity, mission accomplished there. Not a whole lot of campers out in early May, the cold nights keep people away, so cold in fact my water bottle froze up and the batteries died quickly on my last night, oh and my sleep pad must have gotten a small hole poked in it and I ended up waking 4 to 5 times a night to re-inflate it and stay off the cold ground, not fun. Mind you the weather during the day was perfect and the scenery spectacular as per usual. No fish were landed though and I left with some unfinished business to handle when I was to return five days later.
This time was with a friend and in a different part of the park and much different weather conditions. the Friday going in was close to 30 degrees Celicus and even at night a low of not much below 20 and the park was bustling with people at the access point, a lot of people. Once again we fished hard for two days in lakes and rivers, put lots of miles on my friends new canoe only to be frustrated and shut out. On our last day we moved lakes, we set up camp and trolled and jigged from the canoe, I had one on and to the surface only to shake free; Shit!!! is what I believe I said. Then sitting around the fire as the sun set in front of us to the west I figured I’d grab my rod and cast from shore one last time. After about six casts I fired another one out straight in front of me, the spoon sank and I gave a quick jerk and reel and felt a tug. Finally, I reeled into shore and there it was my first lake trout and a couple casts after that, boom, another one. That night we had late night treat fresh trout cooked over an open fire and let me tell ya there’s nothing quite like it. Now the trip was only a partial success (fishing wise) because getting out into the wilderness, true wilderness is always a win and something I crave at this very moment. The only thing I’m missing is catching that elusive brook (speckled) trout, that still remains on my to do list.
What entailed after I returned from my trip is the real reason it has taken so long for me to write again and I’m sure you’ll understand when you hear what happened. So, after returning from my time away the first morning home I went to get out of bed, now our bed is up against a wall so I have to either crawl gently over Tracy or slide out the bottom. On this morning I went to hop over Tracy and well it didn’t go as according to plan. My foot got tangled in the bedsheets and instead of my feet hitting the floor, they stayed behind and the rest of my body launched off the bed lead by my head. It’s a bit foggy to me what happened, but Tracy called my name 4 or 5 times before I came too. Now although I fell straight on my head, my shoulder took some of the fall as even today there is a slight pain and we’re talking three weeks ago. I honestly didn’t feel that bad right after it happened and even drove myself to treatment about an hour later, which is almost an hour away. On the way home however I noticed a headache coming on and even with my sunglasses on I was a little sensitive to the light. When I did get safely home Tracy noticed something wrong in my demeanour and the even more foggy I seemed (my cancer gives me a decent brain fog on some days, but this was different) and insisted I go to the hospital! You’d think after all I’ve been through in the past couple years I’d be more than willing to go get checked out, but hey I’m just a man and my first response was, “No, I think I’m alright I just need to sit down for a bit.” With that I sent off for the couch only to catch the door frame with my shoulder, look over my shoulder at my wife still standing there. “Your right, I need to see a Doctor can you please take me?” was all I had to say and she and I both knew that I was wrong and needed to get looked at.
Luckily the hospital wasn’t very busy and I was in room waiting on a Doctor in under an hour, I’ve noticed that since being diagnosed with cancer there seems to be a bit more of an urgency to get me looked at (I don’t know if that’s true, but I’ll take it). The nurses, that are always awesome, seem to be interested in my story after taking a look at my chart. Anyways, the doctor order a head CT scan for me and with an hour I’m in a familiar spot going through the machine, but this time it’s only my head and I don’t have to drink that terrible contrast, I get to do that next week. About a half an hour later the Doctor comes to give me the results and tells me the tech thinks they see a bleed on my brain and I will probably be admitted, now I have told you I never was in a hospital prior to my disease and now I can’t seem to catch a break. She says that they need to get a hold of the neurologist to get a second opinion and I’m given something for the pain and gravol, they dim the lights and I dose off. Hours later I’m woken by the Doctor who tells me the neurologist finally took a look, 3 hours later…and that I actually don’t have a bleed and I’m diagnosed this time with a concussion, I can leave at any time and told to avoid reading, writing, screens and exercise, just rest.
So luckily for me no serious damage, but I’ve had some headaches off and on for a while now and this computer screen seems to be the one that’s hardest on my eyes. Today seems to be going well and it feels good pecking at the keys again and I have a lot to tell since the last time you heard from me. At the end of May something pretty exciting happened around here and along with some exerts from my canoeing journal I have some material for my upcoming posts (that won’t be so long in between).
As for the cancer journey this month is scan, lab work and doctor check up time, so another month of a little heightened anxiety until the results. For the most part I’ve felt fine some days fatigue sets in, but that could also be part of the concussion. Today I feel well and very happy that the headaches have seemed to have disappeared and able to concentrate enough to write. This may not be my best post and basically just telling the story of a bit of my month, but I promise to work hard and put more into upcoming blogs. Back filled with emotion and good story telling, funny how taking a good bump on the head can make things seem jumbled when trying to express just the simplest of things.
Getting back on the horse is the only way forward though and will continue my story and journey, I hope everyone continues to follow along. As usual Love you all and if this is your first read feel free to visit my homepage and read my other 60 plus post. Like, comment and subscribe.
Cheers, Steve
Cancer Won't Run My Life 