What’s to Fear? A Cancer Patients Take.

So I see here that I inadvertently took the month of July off, boy how time flies by and to be honest I’m not even sure where the time went or what I did. I write about time being my most important commodity, but somehow the ability to harness it and make the most of my time still seems to elude me. I mean I know that I haven’t just sat around doing nothing for the month of July yet the memories of the month seem to be a blur as my brain doesn’t seem to separate them as I would like and yes, a lot of it is my fault as I have gotten away from taking the ten minutes a day to sit and mediate or even be mindful. I have sat at the end of my days and stared at the laptop tucked away in it’s spot and haven’t mustarded up the effort to just put a small post together and some days that really bothers me as I feel like I’m letting myself and others who enjoy the read down. Most times I just tell myself that what I have to say on any given day just really isn’t that interesting and really brings into perspective just how hard it is for a professional journalist or author to always be coming up with fresh and interesting ideas. When after a month here I sit struggling to figure out what would bring eyes to my site and I just do this for fun and some therapy.

Like I said I haven’t just been sitting around doing nothing I have been out on my canoe quite a bit enjoying my time whether it’d be a solo adventure or with a group of friends. When I’m out in the wilderness that is when I am able to start to slow things down, tell myself getting to my end goal is not the point, it’s the journey along the way that’s really what’s important. We all do enough rushing in our lives that when there is time to slow things down the need to remind ourselves to enjoy the ride needs to be top of mind. That is a mind set that is extremely hard get into, my belief is that adversity is the one true way to get there. What I mean is and it’s hard to spell out here, cause mine is simple being sicken with cancer is definite adversity and life altering, so when I go out for a hike, run, canoe trip that mind set is already built into me. Make sure I take time to check out that view point or throw a few casts in a new fishing hole and just to enjoy the time spent doing what I love. I remind myself every time that I’ll never know this could be the last trip for me at any time my cancer could spread, so soak in every moment even the ones that suck.

There are times though that I do have to remind myself that my time isn’t up yet and to stop taking some unnecessary risks, which I can be prone too. Cancer has taken away and also added a certain amount of fear from me, let me explain. It’s of coarse added the fear of a shortened life, one that I thought would last too long honestly, also the thought of the tough treatments i.e. possibly chemo and/or radiation. But let’s cross that bridge when it gets here and also just the fear of the unknown and whats’ next to come? On the flip side it has taken away everyday fears that may have prevented me from trying or doing things in the past I would never have risked. An example is taking a long solo canoe adventure, which can be very dangerous if not thought through and well planned. At any time an ankle could be twisted or break, a big water open lake crossing with strong winds can be extremely dangerous, but I find myself more willing to push the limits I wouldn’t have before my diagnosis. Now with the experience I’ve gained over the years I still do have common sense and tend to know what can be an exhilarating rush and sense of accomplishment and what is well…just plain crazy. Also the fear of speaking up when before I would have remained silent is for the most part gone and ya sometimes that can get a guy like me in trouble or fun??? I guess it depends what your definition of fun is? Bottom line is losing that sense of certain fears has been liberating and open me up to experiences I otherwise wouldn’t have bothered to try and hey who isn’t afraid to put their life out on the internet for everyone to see? Or I am I crazy? Either way I don’t fear it, fun eh?

A quick health update, at the end of June I saw my Oncologist for the follow up of my six month scan and the usual lab work tests. The scan once again showed a stable disease and the blood and urine markers were all consistent with no spikes either up or down, all positive news. I have noticed over the last while a little less wind in my sails, so that’s something I need to be mindful of but not to get anxious over it. After all next year will be my 50th on this planet. I also spoke with my physiatrist from the Juravinski Center it was our regular six week call and an hour for me to kinda decompress my mental state, which has been a vital tool in my over all well-being. Having a professional to talk to has been a great addition to my team of support and a calming voice to speak with. So, for the most part pretty good news over the last while.

Now, I was going to add a little more in depth look in my treatment to this post, but since this one is already getting long enough I’ll just save it for next time. It was the first time in two and a half years I was able to bring someone in with me and Tracy came along and got some close up pictures for me just to help you get a better feel of what the injections look like. So just a word of caution the next post may involve some partial bum pics.

Also had some good news on my awareness video that hopefully soon will be ready, I got a look at the draft of it and I must say it’s pretty good, so I hope to bring that to my readers and friends shortly.

Once again thanks for reading and following along I always appreciate it. Love for everyone, Cheers

Steve.

I guess I really have no pictures that are in line with with post, so I’ll include a gallery of some taken during a few outing I took this year. Hope you enjoy, they always make me smile and relax.