Post Number 100, A Look Back and Forward

It’s been a while since I posted again, I was off the grid for a week and I’ve been pondering what to write about for a statistically important post. I think we’ll go back and review how this blog has gotten this far. It is by no means the the most looked at, or even popular blogs out there on the World Wide Web. This still remains one of the most important things I do in terms of mental well-being and what I consider a passion of mine, raising awareness. I have bumped into a few people over the last little while that have found this blog and to hear not only did they enjoy reading it, but that it also gave them some hope, happiness and inspiration always brings a lump to my throat. It is interesting to get messages from people around the world who not only deal with Neuroendocrine Cancer, but can relate given any type of Cancer or who is a caregiver looking for a positive and hopeful message. I still struggle myself somedays and need to remind myself of my own my own words, going back to read what have written trying to be sure I’m that person I want to be moving forward one day at a time.

I often have to remind myself to relax and not panic as I see days and time seemingly slip by, time waits for nobody, so there is no sense stressing over something I can’t control. What I do control is how I choose to look at the world nowadays and spend it with those who deserve my time, along with long stretches when it’s just me, myself and I. Taking the time to be comfortable alone and my own thoughts, along with the struggle of living with the simplest yet demanding ways of getting by (in the backcountry). Having no choice, but living out of a backpack and travelling on one of the world simplest, yet beautiful modes of transport, the canoe. It just reminds me to enjoy the journey, they’ll only be one like it, so be sure to take in all you can and enjoy and smile, while the voice in my head is asking me, why? Why do this to yourself, the couch and bed at home are some much more comfortable and safe. It’s just like life, you get one shot and one shot only, enjoy what you love, but don’t leave out the struggle and pain, it only makes the comforts of home and life feel like it’s earned.

For just over three years now I have lived this way, diagnosed stage IV from the get go. I’ve learned a lot about myself over this time and one of those main things is it’s ok to show emotions. Before cancer, looking back now I see a guy who did his best to look after his family, but when it came to meaningful emotional conversations I was a closed door, nothing got in or out I had one job to do, support my family. I like to think I did it well, but left on the sidelines was a pretty big part of life, the joy of just living in each moment. When I started writing this I had friends question, who’s writing this? That can’t be you? Well yup it certainly is, of all the shit and ups and downs the Cancer does to you both physically and mentally it brought upon some real positive change in my life, now that doesn’t make me perfect by any means. You can ask my wife, there are many days I need to be reminded of who I want to be. The one thing though that remains is my stubbornness and I see that as both a positive and negative. Negative, because yes, somedays it can make dealing with me difficult and dare I say unpleasant. Without that trait though, where would some of that strength come from when battling cancer? I believe having that stubbornness will keep me around longer and hey that works out for you too, as one day you could be reading post number 1000? I wonder what that would look like?

For now and the last two years my Cancer has remained stable, that’s a good thing, some days are better than others. Days when I battle fatigue, I’ve learned to rest, My mental health is something to take on everyday trying my best not to overthink and end up with thoughts spiralling out of control. Talking to professionals and support group peers is a vital part of treatment along with the medicine part of it. Ah, the medicine… two 19 gauge needles used to administer a thick paste of a cocktail and you wouldn’t believe the cost! Without that though who knows where my road would’ve lead to, I could be very sick with a disease running out of control. Exercise and diet are also very key components in my humble opinion that help me stay as sharp as possible and give me the best quality of life chance as time moves along. In another month this guy will be turning 50, people often dread the thought of aging, but I embrace it and look forward to all the challenges life looks to throw at me. As the summer comes upon us my posts may be more shall I say inconsistent, but after following me now for a while you get it and if you’re a new subscriber I thank you and I’m sure you’ll get used to my timing or lack there of.

To finish off this post I thank you all for following along the last two years and hope to entertain you for many more. This weekend coming up is a big one for me as I will be attending my first in person CNETS conference in Toronto, where I’ll be speaking on a patient panel about my journey as a small bowel NET patient. To watch live click here and sign up for the Sunday morning webinar. Sorry it’s actually Conference Day 2, first part or you know what? Why not learn about NETS and just sign up for both parts. Also the Relay for Life Stratford (Perth County) is June 10th, feel free to come down and register and walk for someone that is battling cancer, supporting a caregiver or have lost a loved one to this disease. It will be fun, emotional and a great event for all to get involved with. I’m still looking for donations to my team and I’m sadly way behind and any little bit would help, link to donate here. The pictures I’ve included throughout the blog really have nothing to do with this post, these are just some of my favourites and hold a certain meaning. Thanks again for taking the time to read, please consider subscribing, like, vote and or comment. Cheers Steve!