So…just re-read my last post, really didn’t return shortly. I should really change the name of the blog to Totally Unpredictable. Almost another two months has passed and I had flirted with the notion of writing about adjustment. Actually I believe I have brought it up a couple times now. A major adjustment I need to create is set an allotted time to write before you all disappear. What we’ll do is create a couple of post on this subject, but first a paragraph on where I am on my cancer journey. Which was the catalyst for a major adjustment in not just mine, but many others as well. That’s one thing I have to remind myself of: the fallout, the trickle down effect of a major health change. A cancer diagnosis.
Where I’m at
Since my last post everything has basically remained the same. Treatment has remained constant, although I feel after six years toward the end of the 28 day cycle (before my next shot) I start feeling a little more fatigue and my stomach isn’t very happy. Now, that could be just in my head. Sometimes this guy isn’t the best at consistently taking his happy pills.. more on that later. But, when I do forget sometimes thoughts spiral a little outta control. There is also a little mental and physical withdrawal if I miss a couple of days.
I just also had my bi-yearly CAT scan about two weeks ago and I’m due to talk with my team very shortly about the results. Could be another reason my guts have been acting up over the last week or so as we wait for results. It’s been about a year now since they found some minimal growth, so fingers crossed all remains stable. Remembering years ago that I actually had some shrinkage my greatest hope is that happens again. For it to happen though I believe a combination of things need to happen. A positive mindset is key, believing it can happen is a real thing. The mind is a powerful muscle. Stress free living, let’s be honest there’s no such thing, but right now I’m about as close as I’ve been in many, many years. Diet and exercise, now here’s a bit of the problem. While we eat pretty clean, there are some times when I partake in maybe having a little too much fun. You know the type, when your head kinda hurts the next day. While we are active and walk most days and work around the house, focused exercise needs to once again become a habit. Getting out deep into nature, while some of that is on me. I’ve had a string of trips I needed to postpone, blew my shoulder out about a month ago. Then just last week I was about to head out and came down with the flu…in the summer!
I also turned 53 a couple weeks ago and while I know that isn’t old more attention is needed on my end to remain healthy. To fight this disease. Age in this battle is not a friend, so while I still can my job is to protect and improve my mind, body and soul.
There ends any update I have, very soon more information will be coming. For now I can only breathe, relax and keep living. Waiting around for results is only detrimental to my health. This weekend I will be heading out for my first solo canoe trip in about two years. Yes, it’s been an adjustment.
Adjustment Disorder
Being diagnosed with a terminal illness is enough for any of us who are strong mentally to start questioning life and what meaning it has. In the beginning I struggled for quite some time, putting on a brave face when asked how I was. Inside was doubt and a wavering spirit, given it was a rare type and someone like Steve Jobs lost his battle after only 7 years. Life was starting to run out of meaning, quickly. It took some time, but after my blood work and markers started moving back to normal range I felt breathing became easier.
Now what really turned the tide was not only knowing I had two sons I wanted to watch grow old was the care of my health team. I was put in touch with a clinical psychologist who specialized in cancer cases. This was key… he listened to my fears, doubts, anxiety, stress and all the crazy that had accumulated in my head not only since cancer, but my whole life. After the first phone call I was again diagnosed this time mentally, Adjustment Disorder. Yes it’s a real thing. He helped me find purpose and meaning in some of my darkest times. I was also given some medication to help ease this transition I was going through. At first I was leery at taking medication, but it turned out to be part of the solution I needed. I take this medication still to this date.
I have learned there is no shame in having a slight mental disorder, many struggle more. Adjusting to what life throws at you requires help and support. I’m grateful for all of those who have helped me adjust along the way. This will be an ongoing life struggle, but without the struggle we don’t actually understand how grateful we should be for the smallest gifts in life. This is something I still work on reminding myself everyday.
Now here I am adjusting to my life in London, Ontario. It’s a great life and there are zero complaints. Still being one who like things a certain way or gets comfortable in life I have to adjust. My travels and trips over the years have definitely helped along the way. Putting myself in unfamiliar situations and learning to adjust to my surroundings. This will be part of my life for as long as I’m around and I’ve learned to live with that ready or not. I don’t have a choice. Odds are high most of you have had to adjust your life at one point or another, mentally, physically or maybe spiritually? My advice lean on those close to you, talk to a professional. You don’t need to do this alone.
As I write this I’m coming to understand this is a big topic. I’ll touch base back on it again. It’s an important one and never take it lightly. Learning to adjust is difficult, but necessary. Hope everyone is having a great summer and you’ll hear from me soon as I’ll have a six month health update soon. Cheers! and be well. Leave a comment about how you have learned to adjust. I’m curious as to other peoples opinions.
Cancer Won't Run My Life 